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Longing for what’s almost lost…

My Grand ma is terminally ill…She may pass away anytime.
I’ve always seen her as such a healthy women whose hair were still black even when she entered her 70s no not because she dyed them they were like that naturally… While her skin was wrinkle less
All credit goes to her diet.
She was very religious,
I remember her since my childhood as strong figure who believed in herself always moving about doting on everyone.
She would tell me stories of her childhood, of India- Pakistan partition, of her life.
She wanted to study as a child but couldn’t get a chance (still she got all her 6 daughters educated at least till intermediate level or even more) so I taught her a little bit of English, maths, hindi …In return she taught me writing and reading Punjabi, my mother tongue.
This year she turned 87. When I went home from college i saw her after 6 months.
I knew she has been ill but I was never prepared for this.
When I reached home I went straight to her room, and there she was lying, so so weak, so thin, not even 1/3rd of her size what she was 6 months back.
And the worst part, she failed to recognise me, even speaking was so difficult for her..
That’s it I broke..
I couldn’t stop crying for like an hour, my father said I thought u were strong after all you are going to be a doctor, death would be part of life but it just didn’t help.
Through out my stay she only slept. The doctor strung her up with glucose bottles. The syringe or the needle would hurt her and she would cry out just like a child and it would break my heart all over again.
And every other night I dream that she is well again. 
I know she is in so much pain, there is no going back to normal…
But I’m afraid she’ll pass away when I won’t be there and I won’t get my chance to bade her final goodbye..

At least my last memory of her is that before I left when I kissed her she laughed like a child.
And I’m gonna remember her like that.

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Author:

I'm an undergraduate medical student with a mind which is interested in anything and everything.

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